There are common and unique reasons for being a SMBC that are different for each individual who…
There are quite a few reasons for being a SMBC that are both shared and different for woman that make the choice. I joined a couple smbc groups on facebook a while ago and I am so happy I did because it is extremely interesting and uplifting to hear other people who are or have gone through the same thing I am. It was a great feeling of validation that I’m not the only one who sees things the way I do. There are shared concerns that we have for making this decision.
I have also come to realize we have very different perspectives for why we are choosing to be a single mother by choice. I mean you think that makes sense but at the same time we all have 2 particular, important things in common:
1. We don’t have a partner.
2. We want to be parents.
So I guess I kinda just assumed we all had the same perspective on it. However I’ve come to realize that there are other beliefs and factors at play for why we make this decision and ultimately the choice is unique for every single person who makes it, I’m sure of it.
In addition to the obvious of not having a partner, there are actually a few common reasons why woman make the choice to be a parent alone. These are the same reasons I’ve had for myself, and they are extremely valid concerns:
1. You don’t want to risk waiting any longer to try to become a mother while you’re trying to find a good husband and father in case you can’t become a mother anymore, a biological concern.
2. You don’t want to risk having to co-parent and share custody with someone you never intended to be a co-parent with.
3. You don’t want to risk having to pay child support to someone you never intended to be a co-parent with.
4. You don’t want to risk contracting a sexually transmitted disease or deal with the emotional complications that come with traditional methods of getting pregnant with someone you never intended to be a co-parent with.
5. You don’t want to risk the stress of a failed or strained relationship (whether that’s a short term or long term one) on a child.
When you think about it, all of the above concerns are extremely valid ones. It is one of the reasons I think that SMBC is becoming more popular. In addition non-traditional co-parenting relationships that can be established from the get go seem to be more common as well. Sites like co-parenting.com give me that impression for sure. For me personally it is hard to imagine attempting to co-parent with a stranger. I think it would be amazing if someone was open to it as there are certainly men looking to be a single parent by choice as well. Even if it seems less common.
There are more unique, even opposing reasons for being a single mother by choice. For example, while I know that I could have a child with someone I choose, I just don’t know if I want to choose any of the men I know. There are some woman who are the opposite, and might not feel anyone wants to be with them. I know I feel a little different than unwanted, which I don’t believe anyone should feel cuz I think everyone can find someone if they are open to it. The question is do you really want it?? And when I ask myself that personally, I’m unsure. I have yet to be in a relationship that doesn’t require a lot of time and focus to be on that person. I want all of my time and focus to be on my work, my thoughts, my projects, and my future children. For me personally a relationship was only worth it if it meant being in this partnership to create and raise a child and be a family unit, not necessarily because I needed to be attached to another person. Like of course I would love to do it with another person who cared and was as committed as I am to raising happy and healthy children. I have yet to meet that man though. You don’t necessarily get that just because you create a child with someone you are in a relationships with’s dna.
The point is that regardless of the fact that we all have in common that one thing, which is that we aren’t doing this with a partner, we still are very different. That’s not a bad thing, and it made me feel like the fb group and just that ability to connect made it extra special and nice that we can be there to support one another.
© 2018 Tanisha Eileen Hamelin. All Rights Reserved.
Just Love :)