You Don't Always Have to Tell the Truth

I’m watching the new Southern Charm: New Orleans, which I really like so far. I think something about this cast just draws me – I had a bit of dejavue as well when I first started watching it, so maybe that’s drawing me as well. I’ve just watched the scene where they are asking Tamika why she had to start drama at Reagan’s Jewelry party. Tamika’s response is, “I tell the truth”. You can tell that Tamika has a very up front personality, she isn’t afraid to speak her mind or say something someone doesn’t want to hear. I really admire that trait in most people.

You don't always have to tell the truth

However I do have to call out the wrongness in the belief that confronting others about their problems is simply acknowledging the truth.

A lot of people who confront others about their flaws justify their actions with this statement – I’m just speaking the truth. As if its each of our duty to point out what is wrong with someone else and they are just the one who is bold enough to do it. I think if people really understood what they are doing they wouldn’t feel so powerful “calling out other people”, because they would realize, there is no “good” outcome. Usually these kinds of people believe in “tough” love, where you have to be mean, manipulate, or force someone into doing what is good for them. Also the beliefs in that notion are flawed and there is one main reason why.

The fact is that perfection is impossible, and so to expect it, is unrealistic. So you won’t find a person who doesn’t have both good and bad qualities.  You’ll likely never meet a person who is 100% perfect in life, and I only say likely never because I hate to say anything is impossible. That is what the truth is – so when you feel as though pointing out others flaws is “telling the truth” it is only telling half the truth, really. It is saying one important thing about the person who is saying it though, which is that, they are very focused on seeing the negative side. They are negatively focused and then using that as their excuse to confront others, because they could instead choose to focus on the positive, but don’t. They are acting as though they could look at anyone and not see flaws and so for that reason you should be singled out. Which is just not true, and so the whole basis for their being that way makes absolutely no sense.

For the person who is being confronted and being refocused on their negative qualities as if they could somehow be perfect when that is impossible. Well they would be smart to ignore someone like that. Drawing attention to your own problems and that you suck is just not gonna help in life, because you are probably gonna always suck a little bit. It is always gonna be easy to look at yourself and find flaws, much easier than anyone on the outside looking in. None of us need to be told where we fall short – we know, and if we don’t, we know ourselves well enough to discover if we want to. Someone else’s smugness in pointing out our imperfections isn’t going to cause us to suddenly become perfect. If anything it causes us to look for the negative in that other person, and just makes everyone not feel good, for no good reason.

I think if people recognized this and felt a need to be more logical in their approach in life they would be happier. It doesn’t feel good to notice the flaws in others. If it does make one feel good to point out others flaws and in that sense feel superior to them, it is still flawed logic, because nobody is perfect. There is also a distinct, I don’t feel good without having to take action kind of belief, and that belief is the actual problem, not anyone else. Ok back to Southern Charm: New Orleans!


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